I Only Wanted to Please Myself


Miriam sagan

   
I dreamed Diego Rivera was living
In Columbus, New Mexico
In the dream he sits in his garden
Behind a high fence of grilled latticework
Painted green. I am extraordinarily pleased
To see him, and pleased with myself, too,
That I've figured out what no one else knows--
Where he is, and that he is alive.
Awake, I make notes in the small
Chinese brocade book,
The jade-colored one:
I write: bullet point:
"I have fritttered my life away
Mostly on clothes, and love,
But I mind less
In middle-age."

Dream--My second husband and I
Are in a class on sex.
We prepare for our final exam
I look at his skinny naked body and say
"You look like you've studied."
When I wake him to tell him this
He has been dreaming
About the potholed highway in Chihuahua.

I write in the notebook:
Bullet point: "Gilgul.
The wheel, reincarnation
How some rabbis believe
A Jew can be
Reincarnated as a stone."
Bullet Point: "Things I Regret I Did Not Buy."

After the dream with Diego Rivera
I realize I must have been wanting
To cross that border
For a long time...

 

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